My Review of Star Trek

Do not read if you haven't seen Star Trek yet.

Let's start from the beginning of the timeline. Spock is sent out with a substance called "red matter" which despite its great power apparently requires no more supervision or protection than a single 150+ year old Vulcan. Although just a single drop of "red matter" is apparently enough to create a singularity powerful enough to engulf the ejecta of a supernova, Spock is flying around with what looks like several gallons of the stuff. Spock shows up just in time to see Romulus get destroyed which is just as well as a device powerful enough to engulf a supernova would probably take Romulus with it.

Despite being in the path of an exploding star, The Romulans apparently took no measures to evacuate their citizens even though they have an entire empire in which to relocate people. This leaves a very angry Romulan with a very large starship who proceeds to chase Spock around until they both fall into a black hole.

Despite being described as a mining vessel it is heavily armed enough to destroy a Federation starship with relative ease. It then just sits there for the next 25 years waiting for Spock to show up. There is absolutely no evidence that Spock will ever show up. It seems he would have been just as likely to show up 3,000 years later as 25 years later. What the hell Nero is doing for those 25 years is never explained. How he kept his apparently all male crew from turning against him is beyond me. Just seems like after a few years, or even just a few months, some of the crew would get fed up with just sitting around waiting for Spock. There's no indication that he's any kind of great leader, just the captain of a well-armed mining vessel.

When Spock finally does show up, Nero sets out on his mission to destroy the Federation in order to save Romulus. Completely ignoring the fact he could have simply gone to the Romulan Empire, tell them what was going to happen, and give the Romulans enough of a technological advantage to destroy the Federation several times over before Spock even delivers the red matter.

Something that obviously never occurs to Spock once he exits the black hole is that maybe he shouldn't let Nero get a hold of the red matter. The stuff for creating black holes probably isn't terribly safe in the hands of a Romulan hell-bent on revenge. Isn't it exactly these kinds of situations that auto-destruct is made for? Sure Spock probably doesn't want to die, but it seems that the chances of coming out of this situation alive are pretty low to begin with. Besides, I'm pretty sure Spock has already died once or twice, he should be used to this. Nero proceeds to take the red matter and destroy Vulcan. Good job, Spock.

At Vulcan, Nero proceeds to destroy a small Federation fleet all by himself, thus proving that he really should have just gone to the Romulan Empire 25 years ago, but I guess there's no poetic justice in that. Vulcan apparently has no defenses of its own as they simply wait around for Kirk to show up and shoot at the drill with just a sidearm to stop it. Why exactly they even have to drill the hole is unknown. Seems like a black hole would do just about the same amount of damage no matter where you put it. Also, why in the world would anyone need a mining vessel so big that it could sit in space and drill to a planet's core?

So while Vulcan is being sucked into a black hole, the leaders are hiding in a cave from which they can't be teleported, the only method of saving them. It is later reported that only 10,000 Vulcans survived. Despite being an advanced, space-faring species, they never thought of setting up colonies. I'm starting to think that Vulcans are a bunch of idiots.

Fed up with Kirk, young Spock maroons him on some frozen wasteland of a planet, presumably leaving him to die because, seriously, how does he expect Kirk to survive on that planet? Miraculously, Nero had the same idea, and marooned old Spock on the same planet. He left Spock there to watch Vulcan be destroy as apparently the planet he was on was close enough to see Vulcan, but far enough away to escape the black hole.

Later on, Kirk and Spock are beamed abroad Nero's starship and reveal the interior to be a bunch of haphazardly placed platforms with no guardrails because if there's one thing spaceships lack, it's constant fear of falling to your death.

After all this, we are left with an ending that more or less tells us that the events that took place in every single Star Trek TV series or movie never happened, except Star Trek: Enterprise.

I still gave it a 77 on Criticker.